What The Smurf?
by Silent Smoker Publishing
Summary: Bitter Kool-Aid, Leprechauns, Bella Has An Online Friend, And Edward Goes Pant Less...No Seriously...R&R...PLEASE
1. Zeff

**Disclaimer I Do Not Own Twilight, Kool-Aid, Mortal Combat, **

**Or Dakota Fanning (Nor Do I wish to) **

What The Smurf!

By Silent Smoker Herself

"Oh sweet! Kool-Aid" Charlie said sipping it; it was some bitter-ass Kool-Aid!

"_Uh_, add some _sugar_" he commented

"Well I would but we're all out" I explained.

"Aww" He Whimpered

I then went upstairs and began writing to my online friend: The Mysterious Zeff, we were debating on the right thing to do in different scenarios.

"**No.** **THAT IS FUCKED UP**! The Right thing is to kill the leprechaun and steal his gold, I would forget about his "curse"...Fuckin' Fruity ass leprechaun".

This was his reply to one of the crazy scenarios I made up. I wrote: "Well hell that's a pretty selfish thing to do considering your mom would die, but bravo you got the gold." I waited about five minutes for a reply.

Edward was out hunting with Emmett.

Zeff wrote back: "well played Bella, well played"

I laughed at myself and thought of another scenario.

"O.K. what if you fall in love with a vampire but he leaves you, then you love with a werewolf but the vampire comes back, and even though you _LOVE_ the werewolf you're _IN_ love with the vampire."

I waited about two minutes before he wrote back:

"What the hell!? Out of all the shit we talk about that is the most outrageous load of shit yet...Anyway this is what I'd do...I'd **RUN BITCH**!...rotfl"

I felt silly because I knew no one would understand. I was about to write: "Yeah you're right"...when he sent something, it sent a chill down my spine

"I know your secret Swan."

Then another one came in:

"Lol...Just messin' with you. I have no idea why I said that"

I couldn't believe I got so scared, I wrote:

"I got nothing to hide; you on the other hand are book open to the world Zeff!"

Zeff: "oh so you know some of my secrets. Go on..."

"Alright but if my computer starts sending tears remember you asked for it. I know that if you're given the opportunity to punch Dakota Fanning you'd reenact a mortal combat scene with a leprechaun, and you'd also go streaking in a gay pride parade if someone dared you...yes you would. Oh gosh you would you so would!!"(Send)

"Oh that's cruel Bella but true, but you forgot one thing"

"What's that?" I asked curiously

"That I love you"

My mouth dropped...I immediately typed:

"**JACOB**"

"Yup"

Man I then typed:

"Are you smurfin' me...I should have known"

"You really should have, oh and to answer your question, I would have chose the werewolf"

"That was mean; you're acting like a boob"

"Maybe but you love this boob and this boob loves you, don't lie"

I was so mad, I wanted to smash my computer, throw it out the window and set it on fire but I knew he was right

"Come by" popped up on the screen

Without thinking I began driving until I was in Jacobs's room, we didn't say much, for some reason we started hard core dancing.

Then I went home.

Edward was in my room when I got back.

I looked over at my computer the e-mails were still on the screen...he had read them

"Hi" I said a bit embarrassed

"Hi, I'm not mad...and just so you know I like to PAR-TAY!"

Then he ripped off his pants and flew out the window

...

"What The Smurf...?" was all I could get to come out

**Yeah it kinda weird in some parts but that's just me if it gets good reviews I'll write more.**

**-Silent Smoker**


	2. Holy McFuggell

"Holy McFuggell"

**Disclaimer-I still don't own twilight...but the days not over yet...HOW YA LIKE THAT STEPHENIE MEYER!**

**BPOV**

"Holy McFuggell!" _was the second thing to pop out of my mouth, a phrase used by my friend Ariel back in phoenix_

"I like to...PAR...TAY?"..._what the hell did that mean?_ _I waited up for Edward all night until about 6 in the morning when he flew though my window, then he walked towards me, grabbed me by the hands and said,_

"Bella we need to talk"

_Oh god I hope he's not trying to tell me he's gay for Jacob or something...I shuddered at that mental image...imagine the fan fiction...if our lives were a best selling book or something...ha who'd read that...we gazed into each others eyes, I was puzzled, he spoke again,_

"I'm just going to get right to the point. There are certain things we vampires can do that humans can do also..."

_He stopped searching for the words,_

"WELL-FOR-THE-PAST-WEEK-I'V-BEEN-TAKING-SPEED-AND-WEED-AND-3-TYPES-OF-HOARS-TRANQUILIZERS!!"

_My jaw dropped...DRUGS...he can do drugs. At first I disapproved completely then I thought of it. SWEET! I was always curious of the psychedelic experience stoners had. It was exhausting being serious it'd be "totally awesome" to be laidback. Edward waited, patiently for a reply _

"Holy McFuggell that's different" I said

_He raised one eyebrow then said,_

"Wait...umm...I'm not on anything right now but did you just say... "Holy McFuggell""

_I blushed a bit then I remembered him saying he took speed _

"Why the hell do you need speed? What, you're not fast enough, is that it?" I joked

_He laughed and then said,_

"It's a suprazment that you didn't ask me about the hoarse tranquilizers!" he laughed

"Suprazment?" I asked

"Yeah it's a combination of surprise and amazement, I thought of it when I was on weed"

_I looked at him and bit my lip, and then to break the silence he said,_

"Have you ever seen Bambi?"

"Yeah"

_Then he chuckled _

"Have you ever seen Bambi on weed?!"

_I laughed and hit him with both of my pillows even though I new it would feel like a light gust of wind._

"Can I try some" I asked

"No" he repliedsternly

_I understood why, but he seemed so happy so I began to think of a plan to get my hands on some. As we lay together I thought of ways to get some. Hell Yeah! I was going to get so upon that shiz!_

**Hope you like this chapter R&R**

**-Silent Smoker**


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